2010 - The Year of "We Haven't Talked Since"

Well I have put this off long enough. It’s time for the account of my 2010. If you read my blog about 2009 you might have notice I mentioned 2010 was going to be the best year of my life. It actually turned out to be one of the worst. From fathers and roommates, ex-friends and car accidents, to death and dropouts, 2010 was interesting to say the least. And I would never, ever want to re-live it.

The Roommate from Hell
I was so excited when I moved into Halifax with one of my best friends in 2009. But that was 2009. On January 2, 2010, my roommate called me at my Mum’s place (I was still on Christmas Break) to tell me she was really sick. As a result of the sickness, she couldn’t work and had to move out of the apartment because she wouldn’t be able to pay rent without a job. Naturally, I was sympathetic and told her I understood and asked her to keep me updated. We talked twice after that, both times in January. The last time we talked, she had expressed her concerns about her privacy online and said she would be leaving Facebook. I never heard from her again.

One day my friend, Lisa, was creeping my pictures on Facebook and noticed my ex-roommate was tagged. How could she be tagged if she left Facebook? Turns out she had de-activated Facebook and returned. One thing I didn’t expect was that she had deleted me, my mother, and everyone who was closely associated with me from her friends list. That screams guilty conscience to me. That combined with not hearing from her AT ALL, started the thought process that something wasn’t right.
1. She had mentioned moving out prior to me going home for Christmas Break and I got pissed at her for it.
2. She NEVER talked to me again. It’s been over a year and she was supposedly one of my “best friends.”
3. Her father always went into the store my Mum works at and buys food at her department. He hasn’t since.
4. She called long after she knew she was too sick to work. She went to the doctor 3 weeks before she called me.
5. She claims her mother and step-father moved all her stuff without her knowledge. How, pray tell, would her mother know every single thing that was my roommate’s? Especially considering the amount of belongings in shared spaces (Kitchen, Bathroom, Living Room). Very little was forgotten and none of my things were accidentally taken.

At this point in time, I don’t think anyone who knows the situation believes she left because she was sick. Her sickness shouldn’t have put such a distance in our friendship. I do believe she was sick, I had experienced it first hand, but it was never so bad that she couldn’t work. All I know for sure is she lost a fair amount of friends due to this incident.

Not Gonna Pay This Year’s RENT
Due to my roommate moving out, I had to cover all $1150 of rent on my own until I found a new roommate. Unfortunately, I never did find a new roommate. As a result, I very quickly ran out of money from my student loan. I had to ask my mum and dad to help me pay rent so I wouldn’t get evicted. I ended up taking the bus home every weekend because it was cheaper to pay for bus tickets than food for a week. I ended up dropping my Thursday class and would take the bus home on Wednesday nights and go back to school Monday morning. For over a month I spent more time at my Mum’s house than I did in the city where I went to school.

When April came, I was informed that due to my parents’ divorce settlement, my father only needed to give me child support while I was attending school. Since the school year ends in May and I couldn’t afford to pay for food, much less tuition to summer classes, I had to have the uncomfortable talk with my landlord about breaking the Lease. I had never intended on staying the summer. My roommate’s friend was supposed to sublet my room from May to September, but we already know that wasn't happening. In reality I should have informed my landlord sooner, but we all make mistakes, right?

Upon telling my landlord the situation, he told me to move out ASAP so that he could get someone in by May 1st (less than a week). If he couldn’t find anyone, he informed me I would still be on the hook for rent; obviously. I moved out 2 days later. I have not heard from him or received any sort of court summons, so I’m guessing that is solved.

My Father, My Foe
Those of you who know me well know that my father and I don’t exactly have a great relationship. That went to a whole new level in 2010. When I asked for help paying my rent above what I was already being given via “child support,” my father got pissed that I only contacted him when I needed money and I never send an email just to say how life is going. At this point I was beyond pissed. It’s not like he ever went out of his way to contact me either and let’s be honest, he’s the parent, why should it be my job only to start things? So I told him off; hard core. I was expecting a nasty reply, but instead got a nice(ish) one. Things started looking up and we made plans to talk over coffee.

The weekend came that we were going to meet for coffee and he informed me that he wouldn't be able to make it because my grandfather’s nursing home informed him that he wasn’t doing well and he could be called out at any time. I said sure, let’s reschedule then. Even though we could have just as easily have met and his fiancé could have called his cell phone if the nursing home called. Anyway, we never met up. I went back to school on Monday morning and that evening my father called to tell me that my grandfather had passed away 45 minutes earlier.

I always thought a death in the family would bring the family members closer together, as a support system and a means of memorial at least. But that didn’t happen for my family. After the funeral I only received unpleasant emails from my father, which I decided not to respond to. We haven’t talked since sometime April, when I asked if he could help me move my things out of my apartment.

Car Accidents Happen
On February 8, 2010, I was in a 2 vehicle car accident. I’m still embarrassed to say it happened at a set of traffic lights. I remember sitting at the red light and I said to my friend, Lisa, that it was a really long red light. And it was. I would have noticed if there was a vehicle waiting at the red opposite me and I swear there wasn’t. Thinking it was safe to go I started my turn left when Lisa screamed. The force that we were hit with knocked us into the lane next to the one I was aiming for; you can’t tell me a vehicle could get that much momentum if they were stopped at the lights. Everyone was okay, but I don’t think I will ever forgive myself for getting in an accident with another person in my car. I thank God she wasn’t hurt. I thank God nobody got hurt, minus my sprained finger and some pretty gnarly bruising. To this day, almost a year later, I don’t think I have mentally recovered from it. I didn’t fight the ticket, but I still believe it was not wholly my fault.

Love and Other Drugs
My car accident made me do something I had never successfully done before in my life. I told a guy I like him…via Facebook inbox. How sad is that? Anyway, my accident made me realize I could have died without this guy knowing how I felt about him. Which is exactly what I said when he asked me why I decided to tell him. It turned out to be a great thing.

We had a great friendship. We would chat on Facebook once in a while, we’d talk when I saw him at the bar he worked at, and we had great conversations. He told me things that made me think he really trusted me. We joked around and became friends, but I still liked him and I never got that maybe he didn’t like me back. He never said it, so I thought maybe he’d like me once he got to know me better. When he left for a military course for a month I just knew my chance was gone. He met someone there and we haven’t really talked since. Mainly because I decided to stop initiating every conversation hoping that he would start one.

I remember the last real interaction we had. It was one week after his course had started and he was home for the weekend. We were at the bar and he was not working. At the end of the night he had been dancing with me and my friends and when the slow song came on I asked him to dance, and we did. We talked, sang, danced and joked around and at the end of the song he hugged he goodbye and that was pretty much the end. A month later he was in a relationship. And we haven’t really talked since. Maybe our friendship ran its course, but I hope we'll be friends again some day.

School Daze
Financial stresses, being away from home, and having no friends really took its toll on me in early 2010. I basically stopped caring about school because it was just an added stressor and I wanted to forget about it. Due to failing a course in 2009 I was only taking 4 courses instead of the regular 5. Halfway through the term I dropped another class because I couldn’t be bothered with coming up with a business and trying to run it AND do my other course work. At the end of the term I decided I would be talking some time off of school which I had been tossing around since November 2009. So that’s what I did. I was hoping to find a job, but that didn’t (and hasn’t) work out. I almost took a course in Makeup Artistry, but couldn’t afford the 3000 dollars. Maybe I will this coming fall if I can get a job to pay for it!

Le Fin
So that was my 2010. It was really rough and full of tears, but I survived. I’m glad I don’t have to relive any of that! I wasn't all bad though. We got a new kitten in November that we named Zoey. She's a little brat and I love her. Also, mt best friend and her husband had a baby that they named Jacob. He's so freakin precious! And finally, I had a kick-ass weekend long birthday. Probably one of the best birthdays ever!

I’ve decided that my 2010 has officially been dubbed The Year of “We Haven’t Talked Since.” Hopefully 2011 will be the year of mended relationships! Lets be honest, it has to be better than last year! *knocks on wood*

My 2009

2009 has been a different year for me; it’s been the best to date. I have changed so drastically since May many people would not believe it. Something changed for me in the summer that I can’t place the origin. I could attribute it to the bar scene or meeting a particular person (who could be you :P ) or a number of special people, but the truth is I don’t know. All I do know is that I have become more confident, less shy, care less what people think of me, braver, and so many more things and have had several experiences, both good and bad, because of this. 

Biggest breakthrough: 
I asked a guy out for the first time this year. It didn’t quite go according to plan; he didn’t exactly say no which I was expecting (he didn’t say yes either though lol). We are now FB friends and maybe someday we will be good friends, who knows? The point is I finally had enough guts to actually do it, and it didn’t hurt. I also had my first real date, which was totally lame, not gonna lie, but at least that’s out of the way now. 

Talent: 
This year I finally found something I am good at and I must admit it feels great to know I AM good at something. It’s nice to get compliments from people I don’t even know that well. I have been told I have a natural talent for makeup. I have only just started experimenting with makeup this year and have improved drastically in just a few months. I’m also pretty good at nail design. I have decided I am going to apply to NSCC for the esthetics program in the fall. It’s not my passion like singing but I will NEVER give up on either of these things because I am determined and I am good enough.

Biggest realization: 
I AM good enough. To Hell with anyone who says any different. I finally know who I am. I am sweet and caring, passionate and sensitive. I am friendly, funny, and comforting. I love too much and too deeply and it gets me into all kinds of painful situations, but I wouldn’t want it any other way. I feel blessed that I am capable of loving this much or that I could love someone I have never met or someone who has hurt me. I have realized that it is the inside that matters and I have no room in my immediate circle of friends or in my life for people who base their judgements of a person solely on appearance. I can honestly say this without a doubt for the first time in my ENTIRE life. I am beautiful. I can finally look into a mirror and not feel repulsion or sadness. I am me and I like me just the way I am. And I know lots of other people love me for who I am. These people are my absolute greatest friends and I love each and every one of them dearly. I am tired of letting people bring me down and make me feel not good enough. 

Spirituality:
I also changed a lot spiritually this year; if you don’t care please skip this paragraph. I have had several epiphanies this year. One of which involved me finally acknowledging that I long for God with every single, solitary, microscopic fibre of my being. I can’t be without Him, ever. To lose faith in God would be the worst thing in the world to me. I would cease to exist. He is the single thread holding my life together when things get hard, and he is the strongest thread in the world and for that I am forever grateful. He is always there when I break down and I have turned to him in fear, sadness, confusion and anger more times in the past few months than ever before. Regretfully, I have turned my anger on Him more than a few times, but I know now those issues were never his fault and he still helped me through even though I was blaming him. 

Friends: 
I have also met so many awesome people this year and became great friends with some people I just barely knew in high school. I am gonna try to list everyone: Amanda Hill, Amanda Shepherd, Dominique, Garett, Gord, Jesse, Kathleen, Kathryn, Katie, Kyle, Mitchell, Nathan, Paula, Rose, Valerie and Wendy; sorry if I missed anyone! For those of you I knew in high school: I can’t believe we were never friends before! You are all amazing and I am glad we had a chance to reconnect. For those of you I just met this year and still don’t know very well: I hope I can get to know you better, you are all amazing people and I would love to be closer friends someday. I am so glad that 2009 has given me some great new friendships that are bound to last forever. 

Besties:
2009 also helped me realize just how thankful I am for my best friends. I had no idea that girls could be such bitches until this year when I was backstabbed by a “friend”. I lucked out when I was given my girlies because they are the sweetest group of girls ever! I don’t know how we managed to be friends so long without a single fight or any backstabbing. My guess is y’all are just too nice and I love you for that! The top events this year with my nearest and dearest: Amber and Lisa day (June 14th!), Megan’s visit to NS, being Maid of Honor at Melly’s wedding, being roommates with Shalela and getting Lisa back from MUN...and of course our random and sometimes surprise adventures. I love you girls to death; thanks for being so damn amazing :)! Thanks also for the many heart-to-heart conversations; they have left a long-lasting impression on me.

Hardships
I’m not about to say 2009 was totally perfect. 
My father was also diagnosed with cancer early in the year. Luckily it was caught early and he is a lot better after completing radiation. I had my fair share of tears in 2009, in fact, probably more than some other years. Between struggling to find an apartment in September, boys, homework overload, boys, stress about rent, boys, failing my Finance course, and boys I have spent a lot of time crying this year. But it’s not all bad, tears and hard times make us stronger and I lived to see 2010 so I think it’s all good!